closet vomit

WHEN I FEEL ALIVE I TRY TO IMAGINE A CARELESS LIFE

Ashleymattandtish

Today’s post is a little different. Okay, maybe more than a little. You and I, we are going to talk on another level here.

People constantly evolve and change, this is a reality of life. However, I feel that people, at their very core, have a set of traits that, whether you see them or not, remain static throughout their lifetime. I’ve always felt like I am the same person, despite my outsides growing and changing, and I have always wanted to let that part out. Relative to other people my age, I would say that I do a decent job at letting who I am shine. I don’t doubt my sense of self at all, but what I do have doubts in is my self-perception. Do I look the way I think I do? Are my core traits visible to others? I am always hateful towards my body (something that is extremely noticeable to those around me) and, in the midst of the insanity on the Internet, I have overly scrutinized who I am, what I look like, and what other people think of me. My lesson lately has been this: who the fuck cares? This far easier said than done. I am spending every day lately becoming aware of my excessive self-scrutinization and learning how to not care and love myself for who I am. These photographs, shot by MATT AND TISH CARLSON, mean the absolute world to me. I had to muster a lot of bravery to shoot something as honest and vulnerable as this, but I felt it was a necessary step towards growing as an artist and a human being.

It is so important to surround yourself with artists who challenge you to stray from your comfort zone and try new things. It’s how we grow. It was very different for me to shoot this look, especially one that is so reflective of where I live. I don’t talk about PHX very much, but lately I have felt the smallest sliver of pride in where I live. The culture, the landscape, the art. For the first time since I moved here from Detroit as a teenager, I love my little place in the universe. I love my quiet apartment in the middle of the city, in the middle of the desert. Now, that won’t stop me from taking off to better places, but lately, I have learned that it isn’t only about your pride in where you come from. It’s about pride in where you are right now.

 

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