Every girl knows the drill. Post something opinionated or “not feminine,” and there’s always some elitist male waiting to clap back at you. Whether it is posting a body-positive feminist article, a photo of you out with your friends, or even something as harmless as having an opinion about a new movie coming out, it seems like there is always someone ready to write a comment or send you a message trivializing your opinion in attempt to portray you as overly emotional and make you feel bad for even posting in the first place. We have a name for these types of people: fuckboys.
You see, the fuckboy is a fascinating creature. It feeds off the festering anger it has inside, whether it be because its parents never hugged it, or it owns a fedora, or it has spent too many nights stalking the dark corners of 4Chan (which is essentially every corner), it thirsts to take a healthy debate online and twist it into a session of degrading and circular reasoning. It hibernates in a cave of internet inactivity until the very moment you are sharing your ideas. You all know exactly what I am talking about, but I think that Lily Allen sums it up a little better than me:
Anyway, let’s move on.
Being a person with a platform and opinions can spur a lot of commentary like this. It is not unusual for me to receive comments or messages that tell me I am unqualified or that I don’t know what I am talking about. I even get ones about stupid things such as my eyebrows, why I am not smiling in my photos, or how “fat” I am. I would argue that these comments would not be directed at me if I were a male, or at least not in the manner that they have been presented to me.
With the help of my BFF Julie Andrews, here are some techniques and options for warding off your local fuckboys! 🙂
SMILE AND DON’T GIVE A FUCK
Continue being the unique and opinionated person you are! If some random dude (or even your friend) wants to shit on you and claim you don’t know what you’re talking about, let them talk to a wall! Since walls hold still and don’t talk, they will absolutely love it!!! 🙂
PUT IT IN ITS PLACE
The brain capacity of fuckboys is extremely limited, so a little training and conditioning won’t hurt! Explain to it that you are a human being, just like anybody else, regardless of your genitals, and that it is not a good debate technique to trivialize and marginalize the person you are debating with! With its help of dictionary.com and an attempt to realize that it is 2016 and WOMEN ARE PEOPLE, it will be understanding you in no time!
BE OPEN TO OTHER VIEWPOINTS, BUT STAND YOUR GROUND IN THE FACE OF IDIOCY
Sometimes we are wrong, or sometimes we just see things differently from others. It is good to be open to discussion: this is how we grow. But the second some #NotAllMen, egotistical fuckboy starts pulling fake statistics from the internet and tells you that women weren’t made to be leaders, plant your feet in the ground and stick to your guns! Tell it to find more reliable sources of information!
DON’T FEEL THAT YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF
Self-doubt can be astir when you see someone express disagreement. You may feel the need to justify and elaborate to make yourself seem less “crazy” to the all-knowing, trodden-upon, straight, white males, but remember that you don’t have to justify your emotions! You have thoughts, opinions, ideas, and artistic productions that have cost you much time, work, and intellect, and if a fuckboy’s brain capacity is hindering it from seeing that, they aren’t worth your explanation!
REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN CONVERSE WITH IDIOTS
Women are powerful. You are powerful. You work hard and present yourself in a professional way so that you can play hard! You are well-versed in your reading on feminist issues and you understand the importance of respect. Sometimes it is best to ignore it and not give them the satisfaction of getting a rise out of you. Writing a comment takes two minutes… you know what else takes two minutes? Finding a great quote from your favorite African-American female writer. Eating a slice of pizza. Having an orgasm. Clipping your toenails. Searching for your keys. All of these things seem way more fun than talking to an uneducated asshole, right?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be wiping my tears with my copy of #GIRLBOSS.
P.S. If you are wondering why I was referring to fuckboys with the pronoun, “it,” it’s because the AP Stylebook says that animals can’t be given personal pronouns unless it has a name.